sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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