i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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