the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
