You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize