put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
