I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
