why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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