Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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