I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
