we made out on top of his cat.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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