Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
