what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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