I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
