I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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