So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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