omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sorry my hands just texted you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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