Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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