How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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