I seem to have left my pride at pride
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
