I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
