Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
