and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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