they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want to make out with him forever
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
