why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
