dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
