I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
