I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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