im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
