dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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