Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
