it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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