You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
