she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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