hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize