My Higher Power is John Stamos
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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