she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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