Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
