I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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