i barfeds in our rink
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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