her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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