just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
