I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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