We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
