I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
