Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sext me about skeletons
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
