idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
