Barsexuality is the new black.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
