his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
