you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
