i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
