Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This baby is an asshole
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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