the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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