I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
