It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
