she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize