I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
