nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
