I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
