yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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