Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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