Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
