At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
