hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
