you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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