i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
