Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
