your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Your dad touched me again.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
