i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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