I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
