We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
