i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
