Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
handjob tips. give me some.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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