I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
